MedicCook
10-03-2006, 07:48 PM
Johnson's Baby Shampoo Challenge
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_bottle.jpg
Here's a picture of the famous Johnson's Baby Shampoo, which states right on the label: AS GENTLE TO EYES AS PURE WATER. Now that I have a new baby, however, I'm not taking their word for it. I decided to put their claim to the test, by squirting water into one of my eyeballs, and Johnson's Baby Shampoo into the other.
I know that Johnson & Johnson is America's most trusted company, but not to me. First of all, they're named after the penis. Twice. You wouldn't use a product called "Dr. Schlong Diaper Creme," would you? Nor would you buy one of "Uncle Scrotum's Plush Toys."
Come on, people. Wake up. The only thing as gentle as water is water. Baby shampoo may smell better, and it may even taste better -- especially if you're drunk on Listerine -- but for straight purity, it's pretty hard to top water. Unless you're in the bottled water business, where every brand is the world's purest.
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_right.jpg
Because I like my right eye more, I decided to drop the water into that one. I mean, screw the left eye. What has it ever done for me? Sure, it looks out the driver's side window, and occasionally helps out in softball, but I will never forgive the time it failed to spot Waldo. There he was, in the lower left quadrant, my right eye unable to spot him because of my nose, and what does the left eye do? "Doo dee doo, I'm looking at the funny pictures, doo dee doo, lots of colorful detail but no Waldo." Fucking left eye.
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_dropper.jpg
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_left.jpg
Into that traitorous orb went the yellow viscous fluid known as Johnson's Baby Shampoo. Instantly it started to sting with the fury of a hundred hornets. Hey, what a surprise, everybody: SOAP BURNS! When you put it in your eye, it pierces your vision with a razor-sharp sting! My eyes began weeping soapy fluid, and I tried not to abrade them further as I snapped this photo:
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_burning.jpg
Five minutes later, my left eye was pink with slimy discharge, while my right eye was completely unharmed:
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_eyeball.jpg
I couldn't turn a blind eye to this scandal. I had to make the following prank call to Johnson & Johnson to confront them on their lying shampoo bottles
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_closeup.jpg
So: I guess it's not quite as gentle as pure water, unless the water was purified with turpentine. Maybe that's what they meant.
http://davesdaily.com/out.php?id=20651&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.zug.com%2Fgab%2Findex.cgi%3Ff unc%3Dview_thread%26amp%3Bsort%3Dactive%26amp%3Bhe ad%3D1%26amp%3Bthread_id%3D69083
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_bottle.jpg
Here's a picture of the famous Johnson's Baby Shampoo, which states right on the label: AS GENTLE TO EYES AS PURE WATER. Now that I have a new baby, however, I'm not taking their word for it. I decided to put their claim to the test, by squirting water into one of my eyeballs, and Johnson's Baby Shampoo into the other.
I know that Johnson & Johnson is America's most trusted company, but not to me. First of all, they're named after the penis. Twice. You wouldn't use a product called "Dr. Schlong Diaper Creme," would you? Nor would you buy one of "Uncle Scrotum's Plush Toys."
Come on, people. Wake up. The only thing as gentle as water is water. Baby shampoo may smell better, and it may even taste better -- especially if you're drunk on Listerine -- but for straight purity, it's pretty hard to top water. Unless you're in the bottled water business, where every brand is the world's purest.
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_right.jpg
Because I like my right eye more, I decided to drop the water into that one. I mean, screw the left eye. What has it ever done for me? Sure, it looks out the driver's side window, and occasionally helps out in softball, but I will never forgive the time it failed to spot Waldo. There he was, in the lower left quadrant, my right eye unable to spot him because of my nose, and what does the left eye do? "Doo dee doo, I'm looking at the funny pictures, doo dee doo, lots of colorful detail but no Waldo." Fucking left eye.
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_dropper.jpg
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_left.jpg
Into that traitorous orb went the yellow viscous fluid known as Johnson's Baby Shampoo. Instantly it started to sting with the fury of a hundred hornets. Hey, what a surprise, everybody: SOAP BURNS! When you put it in your eye, it pierces your vision with a razor-sharp sting! My eyes began weeping soapy fluid, and I tried not to abrade them further as I snapped this photo:
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_burning.jpg
Five minutes later, my left eye was pink with slimy discharge, while my right eye was completely unharmed:
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_eyeball.jpg
I couldn't turn a blind eye to this scandal. I had to make the following prank call to Johnson & Johnson to confront them on their lying shampoo bottles
http://www.zug.com/daily/journal/graphics/092106_shampoo_closeup.jpg
So: I guess it's not quite as gentle as pure water, unless the water was purified with turpentine. Maybe that's what they meant.
http://davesdaily.com/out.php?id=20651&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.zug.com%2Fgab%2Findex.cgi%3Ff unc%3Dview_thread%26amp%3Bsort%3Dactive%26amp%3Bhe ad%3D1%26amp%3Bthread_id%3D69083